There is a Buddhist teaching called the two arrows.
Our lives are full of “stuff happens.” Some of it we like, some of it pains us, and some we hardly notice. It’s the rhythm of life.
The first arrow is the pain or discomfort we experience from something we don’t want or like. It’s enough that it gets our attention. The second arrow is our reaction, anguish, fear, annoyance, disgust, hurt, (add your own word) we feel as a result.
The first arrow we don’t choose. The second we do.
It is the second arrow that is the more painful of the two.
Just saying.