Monthly Archives: March 2012

Mar 18

You Can Tell it’s Sunday Again

By kevin | Current Affairs , Rants and Raves

You can tell it’s Sunday because it’s time for the GOP hopefuls to go on the morning talk shows and say stupid things about foreign policy.  This from the WSJ . . .

Mr. Romney said that if he became president, he would work more closely with Mr. Karzai and consult with him “day to day,” in contrast with Mr. Obama, who has had more limited contact with the Afghan leader.

Ummm, no you wouldn’t.

I think it’s very plain to see that the conditions there [in Afghanistan] are not going very well,” Mr. Romney told Fox. “And I lay part of the blame for that on the lack of leadership on the part of our president, both in terms of his interaction with Karzai, with leaders there, as well as his relative detachment from our military commanders there, and the fact that he published a specific date for our withdrawal.

Why does this make me think of the famous scene from Princess Bride where the Man in Black challenges Vizzini to a “battle of the wits” involving Iocane Powder

Vizzini:  YOU’D LIKE TO THINK THAT, WOULDN’T YOU?  You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man In Black:  You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.

Vizzini:  IT HAS WORKED! YOU’VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Man In Black:  Then make your choice.

Vizzini:  I will, and I choose– What in the world can that be?

Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. The Man In Black looks.

Man In Black:  What? Where? Vizzini switches the goblets. Turning back. I don’t see anything.

Vizzini:  Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. Smirks.

Man In Black:  What’s so funny?

Vizzini:  I’ll tell you in a minute. First, let’s drink. Me from my glass, Picks up glass. and you from yours.

They drink.

Man In Black: Pointing. You guessed wrong.

Vizzini:  You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this:  never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha– Stops suddenly, and falls dead, to his right.

Yes, I can see clearly now Mitt, the right answer is to stay forever in the graveyard of nations, a place firmly locked in the Bronze Age with access to 20th century weapons (21st?) run by a guy who hangs onto his office because of American arms.  So riddle me this, what are you planning on talking to him about every day?

Not that facts matter to the only true conservative left standing, but the answer to the question is “no it is not.”

As in any other state, you have to comply with this and any federal law. And that is that English has to be the main language,” Santorum told El Vocero, a San Juan newspaper. “There are other states with more than one language as is the case in Hawaii, but to be a state in the United States, English has to be the main language.

And the question is: Is English the official language of the United States?

In other news, it was a bad week for lost innocence.

Mr. Smith went to Goldman and found out folks there had sharp elbows. So he quit. And it only took him 12 years to figure that out.

After taking the gullible western world by storm with Kony 2012 . . . (you pick)

  1. It turns out Invisible Children is a front for an evangelical group that is in Africa trying to convert the heathen.
  2. The producers turn out to subscribe to the doctrine of truthiness when it comes to, well most of it, in order to raise money.
  3. The locals hated the movie. Something about the white man’s burden.
  4. The co-founder of Invisible Children was arrested after quite visibly masturbating in public, high as a kite and drunk on his ass.

Mike Daisy admits to suffering from “truthiness” in his expose on This American Life. It turns out that Foxconn is only MOSTLY abusing the environment and taking advantage of workers in the name of profit (because that only goes on in China). He will now receive thirty lashes for embellishment.  (Bonus question, is truthiness about Foxconn the moral equivalent of calling someone a slut?)

The not-hit HBO series with the stellar cast (was Nick Nolte ever young?) called Luck was cancelled, the reason given because three horses died during filming (call it 4500 lbs. of horse meat).  No word on how many animals died in the making of the meals served to the cast.

It turns out that those rapacious slaughterhouse operators are putting weird stuff (the now notorious Pink Slime) in our ground beef.  Call for Mr. Sinclair, Mr. Upton Sinclair.

A decorated Non-Com on his fourth tour (but only his first in the country Mitt wants to adopt as our own) in a place where we’re not wanted, where the rules of engagement say we don’t shoot until the other guy shoots first, stuck out in the middle of fuck-all-nowhere surrounded by nothing finally snaps and goes medieval in a medieval land.  It’s sad for lots of reasons but the big surprise is that anyone is surprised and that it doesn’t happen more often (or does it?)

All of which puts me in mind of yet another movie.

Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?

Captain Renault: I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here.

[A casino worker gives Renault a wad of money.]

Casino Worker: Your winnings, sir.

Captain Renault: [Quietly] Oh, thank you very much. [Loudly] Everybody out at once.